I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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