you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Come on in and take your pants off
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