Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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