this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sober January is a disaster.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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