I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize