you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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