Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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