fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize