sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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