I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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