i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize