I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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