Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think your dad took our porno
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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