Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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