she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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