Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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