After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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