I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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