He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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