Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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