Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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