Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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