I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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