My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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