Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize