That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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