Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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