wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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