why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize