I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize