we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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