The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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