So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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