So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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