I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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