Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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