So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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