she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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