Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize