you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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