Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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