the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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