Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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