Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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