I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Someone signed my nipple.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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