Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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