I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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