Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize