ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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