I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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